Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
