I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
