I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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