i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
