We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
