i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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