he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
