I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
