Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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