very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
