I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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