Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
