Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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