People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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