That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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