You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
