I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need moral support for this bender
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
