Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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