i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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