did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
