Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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