Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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