if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
