this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
