On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
