You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
