Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
