Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
