I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
