Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
