Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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