that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
