p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
