i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
