i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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