new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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