if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
