they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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