Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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