Swine flu. Run for my life!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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