I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
