the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
