How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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