You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
