This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
