yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
