I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
