Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's always time for handjobs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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