Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Randomize
