I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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